To celebrate the anniversary of his death and- coincidentally- the collapse of the Communist Bloc,
we're going to take a little trip down memory lane, by remembering some of those favourite quips and anecdotes which made him such a household name in his own household.
I'm sure he would have wanted us to share everything- good and bad alike...
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On being asked to lead the Soviet world takeover-
'I refuse to join any political party that would have me as a member.'
...
In a debate against democracy, head-to-head on the television against that champion of reedom, Nixon-
'The secret of Communism is honesty and fair dealing.
If we can fake that, we've got it made.'
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In court, accused of giving away nuclear secrets, and threatened with execution-
'Those are my political principles, and if you don't like them......well, I have others!'
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Accused of writing a workers' theory intelligeable only to an academic elite-
'A child of five would understand my manifesto.
Er.......could someone please fetch a child of five?!'
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A handful of jokes (which now seem eerily prophetic) were of course largely reponsible for much of the disillusionment which led to the fall of the Great Socialist Experiment.
Printed here for your delight, delectation and other things that begind with 'd' are a few of the more famous-
Under communism, every man has what he needs. That's why the butcher puts a sign up that says "nobody needs meat today."
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Three workers find themselves locked up, and they ask each other what they’re in for.
The first man says: “I was always ten minutes late to work, so I was accused of sabotage.”
The second man says: “I was always ten minutes early to work, so I was accused of espionage.”
The third man says: “I always got to work on time, so I was accused of having a Western watch.”
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KGB officer tells the next of kin that their father committed suicide.
Kin: How did he die?
KGB: Skull fracture.
Kin: Skull fracture?
KGB: Well, he wouldn’t take the poison.
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Q. "Why do the KGB operate in groups of three?" A. "One can read, one can write and one to keep an eye on the two intellectuals."
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A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve.
"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"
The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
...
A man is walks down the street one night and passes a Soviet guard.
The guard asks his, "Hey! Where are you going?!"
"Home" replies the man.
The guard says, "You realize there is a curfew here."
The man looks scared and starts to run away so the guard levels his rifle and shoots him dead.
Another man witnesses this and says to the guard, "Curfew doesn't begin for another 15 minutes. Why did you shoot him?"
The guard replies, "That man was a friend of mine and I know where he lives. He never would have made it."
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