The lie of the land

I once became World Lying Champion.
This was not an easy feat, I assure you!
The world is full of liars, so I take great pride in being the very best of all...


'This sentence is false', said the girl to me- which I tended to believe, as she was 10 feet tall and I didn't dare do otherwise!
I'm lying, of course- everything I say is a lie.

So, being that I am so practiced and- one could even say- pathological in my lying,
I took on the challenge of the giant, blue ogre woman (whose name was Phyllis),
confident in my ability to baffle brains with bullshit.

'The following sentence is true.
The following sentence is true.
The following sentence is true.
The first sentence in this list is false.'

I said to her.


She thought for a moment (ogres can only think for a moment at a time),
really straining her poor little brain, and when she tried to think again,
the pressure was too much- and she exploded with a loud 'pop'!

You can imagine my surprise (if you can't, you don't have much of an imagination),
when- low and behold- what did come a'raining down from the sky, than millions of banknotes worth a pound each (or was it one banknote worth a million- or perhaps a million banknotes weighing a pound each.....etc.,etc. You'll have to excuse my forgetfullness- it's always said that liars have bad memories...)!

Obviously, being an honest man, I couldn't take the money that had been thrown into the air by the exploding ogre woman, so I contented myself by telling a lie (which is something I never do).

'I'm Scottish (though I deny it), and all Scotsmen are liars.
You cannot trust a word a Scotsman says (lucky that I'm not one!).'


I can sense a little doubt here.
You don't believe me, do you?
And you know, I can't blame you- because they say that the one who doesn't trust is untrustworthy,
which would explain why you don't trust me.
And, I guess, why I don't trust you...!

How did I end up winning the World Title?!

Well, I didn't.
Simple as that.
I've never told a single lie in my life (and there's no other man can honestly say that).

One thing that does confuse me though, is this-


The last sentence in this story is a lie.